from beyond and back…

yes, i am back! back from blissful ignorance, from recluse i imposed upon myself but most of all back from incapacity to write my own thoughts. don’t ask me why, i cannot tell you what i don’t know. i want to believe another personality of mine has taken over me for almost two weeks but then it’s not it. one thing i am not is a ‘schizo’ my own personality is too much for anyone to handle much more for me so i don’t need another one to make my life a living hell. if it helps to tell you i’m a solitary soul who desires to be left unbothered by anyone even friends at times then i’d tell you that so you’d understand. i am like a piece of shit that gets left behind after you flush, i choose to be alone most of the time coz it brings me peace(and yes i talk to myself, who doesn’t?!). sometimes being alone confined in my own recluse comforts me like a mother’s womb. coz i no longer have to deal, with anyone or anything. don’t get me wrong i love my family, friends most esp. ‘HIM’ more than anything in the world but sometimes even they are too much for me. i bet at least 2 out of 10 have felt that at some point in their lives so i don’t find it strange at all.

so there i was, hiding in my own little shell for days not talking to anybody even friends who’ve been concerned with me, not even bothering to write anything here, may have commented on a lot of other people’s posts but for me it never really requires thinking at all so it was just easy. i can be a really ‘bad’ person at times and it was those days that i was. coz i never even bothered to think that people around me who cared are worried about me. when you are in solitude like that and loving it you never think of other people. you only think of yourself, call it ‘self-preservation’. from what i don’t know. one thing i can only say, now that i’m back and writing again is i feel good! it is always unsure when i might decide to go back to that little place of mine, just hope it’s not any sooner this time coz i miss writing and feeling…

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~ by Mayang on June 1, 2006.

5 Responses to “from beyond and back…”

  1. Welcome back to your blog πŸ™‚ I’ve been enjoying your regular visits to my blog but I’m glad you getting back to your own writing. BTW, that reference to the shit left behind was probably the funniest negative thing I’ve seen someone write about themself.

  2. I sometimes have to withdraw into my own inner sanctum. It is a way to quieten down the noise of the group therapy going on in my head!

  3. @Mr. Angry -> funny ain't it?! can't think of any more appropriate description of myself thus the shit on the bowl, truly fits MOI! haha πŸ˜€
    @Sandra -> i think one of these days i'll be needing some group therapy myself! hehe πŸ˜€

  4. so yo’re back from yer neverland to blogging land.
    welcome back πŸ™‚

  5. yup, i sure am and same to you! πŸ™‚

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